Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The ABCs of discipline
By Emily Troper
Give limited choices. "You can have soup or a sandwich for lunch."
"When we cross the street, you can hold my hand or I can carry you."
Use natural consequences: these happen without your needing to do
anything--he refuses to put on a coat, so let him go outside without a
coat and find out for himself why you have this rule (don't make him
suffer, though...bring his coat outside with you, put it on when he
asks, and avoid the temptation to say "I told you so.").
Withdraw from conflict. If your anger is getting the best of you,
take a time-out for yourself. This can model the best of what time-out
has to offer, which is that it is a voluntary cooling-off period. Don't
storm off, but calmly let him know that you need a break and will be in
the next room.
Forewarning. Let him know what to expect so he can prepare. "We'll
leave in 5 minutes," followed up 5 minutes later with, "One more time
down the slide and off we go!" (And follow through). It also helps us a
lot to get our kids' minds focused on the next step--on what we will do
when we get home, for example. It helps them get their minds out of
"park mode" and into "home mode." Caveat: Too many warnings can cause
some children to get very tense; it may take experimenting to figure
out the optimal number for your child.
Two yeses for every no. Whatever it is he isn't supposed to do, give
him two alternatives. The choice of TWO other things is key, because it
really takes their attention off the "no-no" and onto making a totally
new choice. "I see you want to throw something! Would you like to throw
a paper airplane or a balloon?"
Instead of saying "no," or "don't," tell children what you DO want
them to do. "Feet stay on the floor." "Chairs are for sitting." "Gentle
Emotions are always OK, although some behaviors are not.
Make the difference clear to your child. It's
okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hit people. Encourage a child to
express his strong emotions through tears and words, so that they don't
have to resort to hitting, biting, screaming, and other unacceptable
Rephrase: When a child is disrespectful, help them rephrase what
they are saying in an acceptable way. "I hate you!" becomes, "I'm so
angry with you!" Another example: "Gimme that!" or "I want that now!"
becomes "May I have that?" or "I am having a hard time waiting
patiently for that."
Communicate your feelings. This helps everyone. "I feel so angry
when I see dirt all over my floor!" Be careful to express your feelings
without blaming or shaming your child--your feelings are your
responsibility, not your child's. At the same time, it helps children
to know how their actions effect other people, and to see what
anger/sadness/resentment/frustation look like. Model your anger in ways
you would want your child to act when *he* is angry.
Focus on solutions instead of blame. When your child spills milk,
don't say, "ugh! you spilled milk!" say, "There is spilled milk. Here is a
sponge to wipe it up," and let the child wipe it up. What I've seen is
that kids are more than happy to make reparations if we allow them to,
if we don't force them into defensiveness by blaming or shaming them.
Examine your expectations. Is it reasonable for your child to
behave the way you're expecting him to? Children can only work with the
tools they have, which are limited by age and maturity.
Confident statements: Show your child you are confident he can
overcome a problem. "You are getting less and less afraid of bugs every
day," or "You've forgotten your violin three times. Since you are a
resourceful person, I know you can figure out a way to remember your
violin in the future."
Hand signal. If a child interrupts, for example, come up
with a signal he can use to let you know he wants a turn, and a signal
you can give him back to let him know his turn is next.
Modeling: Show your child how you expect him to behave. If you want
him to use please and thank you, make sure you use those words
yourself. If you want him to handle his anger appropriately, make sure
you are handling yours appropriately as well.
Writing a note: Instead of constantly nagging kids to do something,
post a reminder note in large letters in an obvious place, like putting
"Take Off Shoes" next to the front door. Even better, have the child
help make or decorate the note. This can also work for preliterate
kids, who want to know what the note says.
Make an observation. When you see two kids fighting over toys,
instead of rushing into solve the problem, just describe what you see.
"I see two kids who want the same toy." Another example: "I see a coat
on the floor that needs to be picked up."
Using one word: Instead of a long lecture on neatness, just say
"TOWEL!" when your child leaves his towel on the floor.
Give the child responsibility in solving the problem. Example: "You
want me to play with you, and I need to get dinner done. Is there a way
we can fix this problem that will leave both of us happy?"
Rewind/do-over: "Oops, you forgot to take off your shoes! Let's
step back outside and try again." Or, "Oops, you forgot to tell me the
truth! Let's hear what happened again."
Wishful thinking: Let the child know you respect his wishes, and
let him go ahead and fantasize about having his wish granted. Good way
to avoid power struggles. "You really want more chocolate. I want more
chocolate, too. I wish we had a whole room full of chocolate!"
Some more ideas:
Twenty alternatives to punishment:
Monday, July 28, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
:: Pushing Buttons ::
When toddlers get a hold of computer keyboards, telephones, or any other gadgetry, they go wild pushing buttons! They're driven to discover the magical powers at their fingertips.
At any age, children are driven to push their parents' "buttons" too! Not because they're "naughty" but for two reasons:
1. They need to know what's there -- to map the emotional terrain and keep the map up to date.
2. It's an efficient way to get their parents' heightened attention *and* feel more powerful.
When your child pushes your buttons, s/he's doing you a favor: revealing that you've given your power away to the triggering behavior or conditions.
When you de-activate your buttons -- consciously choosing to stay Connected and Present, regardless of conditions and behavior -- you reclaim your Authentic Power! You cease to be someone who can be controlled like a mindless machine.
And your child will lose interest in the buttons you've de-activated, especially if you're also helping him or her find better ways to feel powerful.
Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.) Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
"Children are entitled to care, security and a good upbringing. Children are to be treated with respect for their person and individuality and may not be subjected to corporal punishment or any other humiliating treatment."
Swedish Corporal Punishment Ban, Parental Code
Check out the link in the title.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
We got there and there was a miscommunication with the Doctors, staff, and us.They all were not there. So now other things has come to pass and we must make some decisions. We may be looking at other orthodontic doctors. Wow, I just never expected this. Is is really frustrating and stressful especially for Dylan. He is at the age now that he understands so much and things affect him really hard. I just hope the Doctors don't make this difficult.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
We went on a field trip today to a local farm. It was interesting and fun.
Here are some recipes.
Lorrie’s Lavender Lemonade
1 ¾ C. Sugar
2 C. Water
Rind of lemons cut into pieces
Combine in saucepan and stir over low heat until sugar is dissolved. Boil about 7 minutes; strain and cool. Add:
2 C. Lemon Juice
Approximately 8-12 Tbsp. Fresh cut lavender buds/sprigs
Steep in glass jar in a sunny location all day (I sometimes make this several days in advance and just allow it to sit in the refrigerator for several days.)
Add 8 Cups ice water and serve with lavender sprigs and a slice of lemon.
Lorrie’s Lavender Cookies
1/2 C. Butter softened
1 C. Sugar
¾ C. Buttermilk
6 Tbsp. Fresh cut lavender buds finely chopped
1 tsp. Vanilla
1 tsp Lemon juice
2 C. Flour
½ tsp Soda
½ tsp Salt
¼ C. sugar
6 tsp. Dried lavender buds finely chopped
Mix butter, sugar and egg thoroughly. Stir in buttermilk, lavender buds, vanilla & lemon juice. Add dry ingredients and mix well. Chill dough. Drop teaspoonfuls of dough 2” apart onto lightly greased banking sheet. Sprinkle with lavender/sugar mixture. Bake at 400* for 8-10 minutes
Goat Milk Ice Cream
This recipe makes a fairly small batch, so I usually double it.
2 ½ C Raw Goat Milk
½ C Sugar
2 T. Flour
2 t. Vanilla
Heat milk in pan until steaming. Whisk in the sugar and flour. Add 1 T. of milk at a time to the beaten eggs, whisking after each addition, until you have added 6 T. Cook and stir over low heat until the mixture is thickened and bubbly, while being careful not to scorch it. Allow to cool and refrigerate until well chilled before processing. Just before processing add the vanilla. Process as directed for your ice cream maker.
2 ½ C Raw Goat Milk
¾ C Sugar
2 T. Flour
4-6 T. unsweetened cocoa
1 t. Vanilla
1/8 t. cinnamon (optional)
Make the same as you would for vanilla, adding the chocolate with the sugar and flour and the cinnamon with the vanilla. (At our house we prefer 4 T. cocoa and cinnamon)
Mint Chocolate Chip
2 ½ C Raw Goat Milk
½ C Sugar
2 T. Flour
½ C. chocolate chips-ground up briefly in the blender
2-3 drops essential oil of Peppermint
Make the same as you would for vanilla, adding the peppermint drops and chocolate chips just before processing. This is also good with a teaspoon of vanilla, but it mellows the taste of the peppermint when you add it. (At our house, we prefer 3 drops of peppermint without the vanilla.)
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Your Server: Bill
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