Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
First I received this...
THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
:: Authentic Pleasure Is Priority One ::
The single most powerful thing you can do to make
parenthood (all of life, actually) into a joyful
journey is to decide that *feeling good* is your
It's more important than being right, paying the
bills, saving the world, and even being a good
parent. Yet when you put authentic pleasure first,
you're inspired to right action, you attract
prosperity, you make the world a better place,
and you're more creative as a parent.
One caveat: the shift to pleasure-orientation
unfolds more joyfully when you shift from the
*inside out*. In other words, as you reach for
pleasure, don't shift your *actions* until you've
shifted your *thinking*.
When your thinking is aligned with your Authentic
Self, you feel authentic pleasure, and you're
inspired to actions that serve the greater good.
For the next few days, pay close attention to how
you feel. Notice when you're *tolerating* stress
and re-affirm your top priority: to seek authentic
pleasure from the inside out.
Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle
And then this...
August 27, 2008
Part Of The Process
When we feel stuck in our lives it’s important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something we are doing or not doing that is keeping us stuck. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, and we need to look within to find the patience required to wait with equanimity until things move forward again. Many times, though, we can find the source of our stagnation in our own hearts and minds. Sometimes we are clinging to old ideas about reality and we need to make adjustments that will bring us back in tune with life, so we can flow again. Sometimes we find that fear of change is what’s keeping us stuck, and we can resolve to find ways of facing that fear.
If introspection does not provide the answers we need, it can sometimes be helpful to ask those around you if they notice anything obvious that you might not be able to see. Remember to ask someone whom you can trust to be kind and sensitive as well as honest. Try to let go of your resistance because whenever there is something we can’t see ourselves, it’s because we don’t want to see it. Try to listen with an open mind, and remember that you are always the final judge of what you need. Anything offered to us from an outside source will need to be processed within before its wisdom can take hold.
In all this, be kind to yourself and remember that we all get stuck sometimes. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step on your journey, rather than as a problem that shouldn’t be happening. This can help to keep your frustration at bay and give you the space you need to take a deep breath and really figure out what’s going on.
Yes, finding joy and pleasure and getting unstuck. This is all part of the process and the journey. Now to find the joy and the wisdom in it all.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
So what do we do? We we sell everything we own? Do we go to the Orthodontist that we are not that fond of? Do we... what? What do we do?
Right now we are going to make some phone calls and see if we can figure this out.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Here is something I have been meaning to post...
From Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power, and joy by Naomi Aldort, Ph. D. Book Publishers Network, Bothell, WA 2005.
S--Separate yourself from your child's behavior with Silent Self-talk.
A--Attention to your child
L--Listen to what your child is saying or what his actions may be indicating, then listen some more. Make eye contact with your child and ask questions that would provide him with an opportunity to speak some more, or if the child expresses himself non-verbally, to let him know that you understand.
V--Validate your child's feelings and the needs he expresses without dramatizing and without adding your own perception.
E--Empower your child to resolve his own upset by getting our of his way and trusting him. Show confidence in his resourcefulness by not getting all wound up and by not rushing to fix everything.
Friday, August 22, 2008
We had a get together here at the house for her birthday. Family and friends. We Served Lasagna, dip, (made from scratch from us), watermelon, chips, (us)bread, salad, angel eggs, fruit, (all from Grandma Gibson) and chocolate cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting, yellow cake decorated like a butterfly with butter cream frosting (all made by us from scratch) and blueberry pie (Blueberries from my Parents house and pie made by Grandpa Owen) and ice cream (my parents).
Thank you all who came!
I will post pictures soon!
August 22, 2008
Your Abundant Life
Aries Daily Horoscope
You might be judging yourself unkindly today, which could make you feel limited. It may be that you think your resources are limited in comparison with those around you—this could contribute to your feelings of lack and insufficiency. Reminding yourself today that the universe has given each one of us unique gifts and that we all go through our own individual process in life could make it easier for you to see the abundance that you truly possess. If you can just look around yourself for a few minutes at the beginning and end of the day today and note all the things you have in your life, you may begin to realize that your life is filled with so much, even if it seems different from what others may have.
Learning to see our lives in terms of abundance allows us to fully appreciate the richness of our existence. While it can be easy for us to notice what other people possess and hold ourselves up to that standard, if we recognize that richness comes in many forms—interpersonal, spiritual, emotional—we will more fully see that our lives are truly blessed and any feelings of inadequacy will slowly dissipate. Just changing our perspective in this way lets us savor what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t. By letting go of your inner judge today, you will truly realize the beauty and wealth that exists in your life.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Yes, this happened today. We made the cake for Mataya's birthday took it out of the pan and it broke but not too broken just some stuck in the pan nothing that couldn't be fixed with a little frosting. Then put it on a rack to cool. A little while later Mataya comes to get Daddy to ask for "more" of something. Pulls his hand and drags him to the kitchen and shows him the cake. Nice big hole in the top middle! Dylan and Mataya decided that it just looked to good and they had to try it and this piece just... came off.
Did he get mad? No! He called me! Life is too short and joyful to get upset or angry over cake.
I was out on an errand and Bill called me and said I might want to pick up something to make another cake. So I did, and you know what the second cake turned out so much better than the first no broken piece and it was bigger too! So yes, let them eat cake! We all ate cake!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
August 19, 2008
Healing the Past
Aries Daily Horoscope
Your sense of vulnerability to others’ opinions could make you feel overly sensitive today. This feeling of being exposed could be due to your own judgments about yourself, which you might then look for more carefully in your interactions with others. Being able to understand the workings of your inner critic could make you feel less exposed and may help you to react more positively to the opinions you receive from other people. Should you at anytime start to feel judged today, you may wish to ask yourself if that comment or action reminds you of anything you experienced in the past; you may find that your reaction is based on something that is not even related to your present experiences. As you come across your emotional trigger, you might wish to imagine that you have the power to change your past reaction through your current situation.
Seeing how our past relates to the ways in which we interact in the present is a powerful way to heal our critical thoughts about ourselves. Once we recognize that our vulnerability has more to do with our history, we will begin to understand that reacting more positively in the now can alter and restore things that happened in the past. Rather than feel sensitive, we transform ourselves and instead begin to feel a greater sense of empowerment. Reflecting on what sparks your feelings of judgment today will enable you to change the ways you react to certain situations, which will in turn cultivate healthier and more healing interactions.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
August 17, 2008
Exploring Your Connectedness
Aries Daily Horoscope
You could prefer to be alone, which may be because you could feel detached from the world today. While taking time for yourself is necessary, perhaps you might wish to examine the reasons why you could be feeling so distant. Looking within, you may consider the feelings you have when you are engaged in the world—whether they are rooted in fear, anger, or isolation—by visualizing yourself in a room full of people and thinking about what your first reaction would be. As you imagine this space, you can picture that you are connected in some way to each and every person around you through shared experiences or feelings. Seeing the common bond you have with others today could help you feel less removed and more connected to the people in your life.
Understanding our wish to distance ourselves from others can bring us a great amount of insight into the deeper feelings we have about our relationships. Even though being with others can be energizing and restorative, there are often feelings we have that come to the surface during our interactions with other people. Using our time alone to explore the causes of these feelings and seeing how they influence our relationships will bring us to a more profound realization about how we perceive ourselves, and may subsequently lead us to transform these emotions into something positive. By probing your feelings today, you will see not only how your emotions can limit you, but also that you are always connected to others.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Getting Out of the Way
by Naomi Aldort
My husband and I are often complimented on our children's behavior and demeanor. People think that we discipline them. We don't. It is ourselves we discipline.
We meet our children's needs, provide for their protection, and expose them to life's possibilities. We do not, however, meddle in their play, their learning, their creativity, or any other form of growth. We love, hug, feed, share, listen, respond, and participate when asked. Yet, we keep our children free of insult and manipulation resulting from "helpful" comments and ideas - influences to which children are so sensitive in their state of dependency.
This type of discipline is not easy. Not only does our society not support it, but the temptation to break the "rules" lives within us. The drive to intervene in children's activities is rooted in our upbringing and reinforced in our culture.
For me, the most difficult challenge to overcome has been a narcissistic impulse to show off my children. One day, when our oldest child was two years old, he played a smooth scale on the piano. I was amazed, yet held fast to my rule and stayed out of his way. Free to play out of his own love and interest, and not to gratify me, he went on improving his scale with tremendous joy and concentration for quite some time. Not until my husband came home did I fall into the trap. Unable to wait for a repeat performance in its own time, I covertly tried to direct our son to the piano to do his "trick."
Untrained in doing for the sake of pleasing, he was not fooled. He sensed the hoax and refused to play. Several weeks passed before he again immersed himself in the scale. This child loves to do things for others, enjoys helping and serving; yet, when he does something out of self-interest, that is how it must remain.
Although the self-discipline required of a parent is often challenging, it becomes second nature with time and experience. For me, this type of discipline developed gradually, beginning with "descriptive acknowledgment"1 and culminating in unadulterated staying-out-of-the-way a few years later. My best allies have been my realizations as a mother and educator, Daniel Greenberg's book Free at Last, and discussions with Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept, about letting children be themselves.
At first, I thought that commenting, acknowledging, and praising children for their achievements express love and build self-esteem. In time, I realized that these well-intended interventions do just the opposite: they foster dependency on external validation and undermine the children's trust in themselves. Children who are subjected to endless commentary, acknowledgment, and praise eventually learn to do things not for their own sake, but to please others. Gratifying others soon becomes their primary motivation, replacing impulses stemming from the authentic self and leading to its loss.
Contrary to common belief, children feel more loved and self-assured when we do not intervene in their activities. Not only do they remain secure in our love and support when we refrain from intervening, but they need us to protect them from these intrusions, which can interfere with their progress, self-reliance, and emotional well-being.
When we intervene with praise, wants, advice, and rewards, doubts sneak in and shake loose our children's trust in themselves and in us. Sensitive and smart, they perceive that we have an agenda - that we are manipulating them toward some preferred or "improved" end result. This awareness gets them thinking: "Perhaps what I am trying to achieve is wrong - I can't trust myself to know or choose," or "Mom and Dad have an agenda that I must fulfill if I am to have their approval and their love."
Gradually, a shift occurs. Children who were once doing for the sake of personal pleasure or understanding begin doing for the sake of pleasing. No longer do they trust in their actions, and no longer do they trust us, for we are not really on their side. Along with the shift to pleasing us comes the fear of not pleasing us. Emotional and intellectual dependency, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence invariably follow.
Even when we intervene with casual commentary on our children's imaginative play, doubts sneak in. What children are experiencing inwardly at these times is so often remote from our "educated" guesses that bewilderment soon turns to self-denial and self-doubt. Moreover, children perceive the phony and patronizing remarks for what they are, and may conclude that it is OK to be insincere and pretentious.
From Praising to Observing
It is difficult to stop dishing out praise. For one thing, we are hooked on our conditioning as well as on the "hard sell" of the holy cow called Praise. For another, we are easily misled: the praised-for-every-achievement child seems like a happy, successful, highly self-esteemed child. In reality, such a child has shifted to the pleasing mode, driven to success not by personal curiosity or delight, but by the desire to oblige us and live up to our expectations. As educator John Holt has said of children, "They are afraid, above all else, of failing, of disappointing or displeasing the many anxious adults around them, whose limitless hopes and expectations for them hang over their heads like a cloud."2In short, the esteem we notice is not self-esteem, for the self has been lost in the early years of this type of conditioning. The happiness we see is not pleasure, but rather relief that another pleasing act has been accomplished, securing parental approval (emotional survival) and concealing a feeling of deep loss.
Children, too, can be fooled into believing that these pleasing behaviors originate within and have everything to do with who they are. The ultimate deception comes when children grow up to become seemingly accomplished and happy adults. Psychoanalyst Alice Miller, in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child, gives voice to the lamentable conviction that arises: "Without these achievements, these gifts, I could never be loved.... Without these qualities, which I have, a person is completely worthless." Miller goes on to explain why achievement based on pleasing denies self-understanding and, in so doing, leads to depression, feelings of 'never enough', and other emotional disturbances in often the most successful people.3
To "follow one's own drummer", a person needs to exercise the muscles of free choice and self-learning from the start. The difficulty we have in trusting our children's ability to flex these muscles stems from our own experience of not having been trusted. Trusting is, simply, not natural to us. Only as we make a concerted effort to get out - and stay out - of our children's way do we discover the wonderful truth: the magic is already in our children, ready to unfold in its own way and in its own time.
Nearly every child comes to life equipped with a self that is capable of blooming to capacity. Unhindered in its growth, this self will lead the child to skills and knowledge and, in the process, self-actualization. We have no right to attempt to control the direction of this growth. Instead of training our children through various forms of intervention to fit our vision for them, we need to train ourselves to respect nature's creation and to safeguard its full, authentic bloom.
Indeed, the end result we are looking for - an able, highly self-esteemed, creative, curious, and responsible human being - is already observable in a two-year-old child.4 Allowed to put these gifts to use in a self-directed, self-trusting way, the youngster will develop capabilities while enhancing these desirable qualities. Maturation will then come as an authentic expression of the self, rather than as an appeasement to parental authority and other forms of domination.
Getting out of the way gives us an opportunity to become curious observers. At the same time, it frees us of power struggles and initiates an approach to parenthood that is infinitely more enjoyable and fulfilling. I know of no more interesting, engaging, fascinating, and glorious "entertainment" in life than watching children unfold freely.
©Copyright Naomi Aldort
1 Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (New York: Avon, 1980), pp. 171-200.
2 John Holt, How Children Fail (New York: Pitman Publishing, 1964), p. xiii.
3 Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child (New York: Basic Books, 1983), p. 104.
4 Daniel Greenberg, "A Paradigm Shift in Education". An audiocassette available from The Sudbury Valley School Press in Framingham, MA.
For More Information:
Greenberg, Daniel. Free at Last. Framingham, MA: Sudbury Valley School Press, 1987.
Holt, John. Escape from Childhood. New York: E. P. Dutton, 1974.
Holt, John. How Children Learn. New York: Dell, 1972.
Holt, John. Learning All the Time. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1989.
Liedloff, Jean. The Continuum Concept. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1986.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Something Dylan said today that was cute...
Dylan was reading a really big children's bible today, after he was done reading he said, "I have to rest my fingers, I turned like 1000 pages."
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Tonight he made us crab cakes with lemon aioli sauce from scratch, scallops, basa fish and corn and bread. With a late harvest Riesling wine for me I mean us.
Then he watched the kids while I took a bath.
Then we packed up the kids and went by a store and got key lime pie then went to Rooster rock for the star party. Did you know there are shooting stars every year just for our anniversary? It was great and we actually got to see a lot this year.
Kids fell asleep on the way home.
Some of the many things I love about my hubby in no particular order.
A fantastic Husband
A wonderful Father
A great chef
A great photographer
A great Lover
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I have been feeling a shift lately. Things were going along well. Better than well. Really feeling the joy. Joy of life. My life the life with my husband and especially my children.
Lately things have felt like they are going down hill and fells like it is happening faster and faster. It started back a while ago. Negative things. problems. Problems with people with things.
I keep a pretty positive mind but it feels like the negativity is building. I try to not think about it. I try to be at peace with it all. It works for some time and then something else comes along.
Where did this shift happen? When? What caused it?
How do I get back to the peace, love, joy?
I find it from within and allow it to flow out and through me.
I could sit here and write about all the things I want to change but what good would that do? I can only change myself and the way I act or react to things. It would not change family, friends, foes, Doctors.
So back to finding my joy and living in the present!
It will come I can already feel it shifting back to the peace the love and the joy.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Really what would you do?
Here is the situation. You are getting ready for your little ones 2nd birthday and send out invites like you do every time for parties or get togethers. You start getting replies.
Then you hear from one of the family members that they will not be attending the party if another family member is going to be here.
I mean really! It is a 2nd birthday party. Not a get together to rehash something that happened over 50 years ago. Get over it already. Isn't family great? Yes and we are the bad parents that do not take our kids to church every Sunday so they can know who God is.
God is Love! God is Peace! God is Joy! God is forgiveness!